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Home–My Story

I have a story.
It’s not an easy story to tell.
It’s about having 4 diagnoses of cancer, living in Covid19 & staying engaged in life
             as long as I can.
It’s about feeling so incredibly vulnerable.
It’s about denial because I have always wanted to portray myself as strong, invincible
             & in control.
I am not invincible.
I am not in control.
It’s about preparing to die.  Preparing the details.
It’s about coping well.
It’s about days I don’t cope well.
It’s about very bad days and wanting to die already.
It’s about the ‘gifts’ of cancer.
Mostly it’s about what I’ve learned about myself & life in general, how I’ve grown spiritually.
How I’ve come to know myself deeply.
It’s about a husband who wants so badly to heal me, to not believe this is happening,
            then later learning to accept.
It’s about friends and their loving support.
It’s about the medical system, how different doctors have both ‘saved’ me and dismissed
            my concerns, almost killing me.
It’s about the pure joy of each precious moment of life.
It’s about pain.
It’s about being totally honest with myself in exploring what I am feeling, then sharing that.
It’s about wanting to hear from others going through similar challenges.
It’s about hoping that my sharing this journey will be of some value to others.
I feel like I am on a trapeze, swinging from bar to bar, catching hold to something solid,
              letting go––and feeling the air swoosh through me. 
It’s about catching hold again to live another day.

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